I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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