You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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