paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
