You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize