dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
