Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
