How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He had one of those small greek statue penises
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm really busy with my period
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