No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
