we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
