I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
