I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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