Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
