Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
