she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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