check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
