Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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