I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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