he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
