i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
