8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to calm my uterus...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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