no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
