Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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