The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
