new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
