i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
