Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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