I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
