yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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