I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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