You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
