do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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