i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
