Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
