mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
