Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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