You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
