I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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