We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
