He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize