I didn't shave. On purpose
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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