My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
