While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
