You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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