I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I smell like Dick and happiness
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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