i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
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Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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