he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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