So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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