I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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