Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
