You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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