covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
