theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
