One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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