So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
