Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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