that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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