Someone shit on the floor
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
