btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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