that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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