Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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