you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
