That's intense
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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