so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
