i can't believe i had my finger in that
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
