In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
