...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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