I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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