is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We are all done wearing pants today
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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