lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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