Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
