I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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