I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
