Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
