I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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