dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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