hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
