JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
