She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
