Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
